...actually it's four now, but what's an extra thirty days when you are engrossed in discovering your motivation(s) for the rest of your life?
so, here's what's been goin' on: i joined the ranks of the fastest-growing (at the time) occupation in the whole friggin' country! yup. i, too, became unemployed. if you share this occupation, i don't need to tell you this is some scary shit. and if you don't, i probably haven't been seeing much of you lately. tell me, my fellow unemploy-eds, do you find that your friends with jobs seem to be, ahem, somewhat AVOIDING you?? like, if they spend too much time hanging with your unemployed self they might just catch the disease and become (gasp) UNEMPLOYED, TOO?? it seems we humans are somewhat hard-wired to superstitious behavior when it comes to associating with those we consider to be on a hard-luck jag.... *sigh* i guess i can understand that point of view, to a limited extent. but i DO hope, when the shoe is on the other foot, that i will not avoid my non-paycheck-earning peeps--one of the most important things friends do for friends is provide support. an ear, a shoulder, a cup of coffee: all these are tiny life-savers (and life-savors), and are SOOO very much appreciated!!
anyway, enough of my grousing about the more-fair-weather-than-not, and on to noting those who have not only been there for me, but who have quite literally SAVED MY LIFE! you know who you are. you have my boundless gratitude for now and ever! may you be so VERY Blessed, in all ways!
so, what have i done, for four months? well, i've looked for a job, of course! and i've had a couple of interviews. and i've discovered, through thought, soul-searching and listening to my gut, that there are some jobs that i just cannot do. on one hand this seems counter-intuitive. i mean, i need to eat. i need to pay my mortgage and my bills and put gas in my car. but i've gotten to a place in my life (maybe it's just my age) where HOW i support myself is every bit as important as THAT i support myself. in other words--and i know this is crazy talk--i'm bein' choosy. (my oldest son would be turning apoplectic reading this...although i know he already suspects that "uber-choosy" is my m.o... and i'm sorry that my attitude scares him so) but folks, i've just spent three years in a job that was, as someone who knows the position well puts it, "a velvet-lined coffin," and i realize that a vital part of me was dying there, and not very slowly either. and that horrible place paid pretty damn decently, in monetary terms at least. so...it can't be about the money, or, certainly not just about the money!
it has to be...something that truly speaks to the reasons i am here. that is as succinctly put as i can make it. yeah.
sooo...to give you a little background on my life philosophy, i believe we come to the planet to learn Lessons. for each incarnation (yes, i am one of those), we have a list of Lessons we plan on getting through. each list is unique to each person, and each person's circumstances and relationships serve to help that individual learn his/her Lessons. (more on this subject in a later blog...maybe) this unemployed time is indicative of a HUGE Lesson for me--all about faith, self-confidence, and self-creation. so what i've really being doing this past winter and early spring is to spend some quality time (and that's NOT necessarily pleasant time) with me. so that i can understand this particular Lesson. so that i can get it. so that i can move on, and evolve as a person. and incidentally, so that i can create income, and support myself. NOT a small task, but OH, so very necessary. and i'm still working on it.
so if you're inclined, send some positive energy my way! and THANK YOU, my friend!
"Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about CREATING YOURSELF." --unknown
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